I cut off all my hair to donate to Locks of Love - an organization that makes wigs for children losing their hair to cancer treatments. If you want the truth of how I feel about this drastic cut of mine, here it comes. If you don't want the truth, you might want to stop reading now :-)
Truth be told, I am not a fan of this new haircut and really trying to not have regrets :-( My hair has never been this short. I don't even want to post a picture (but I will ... at the end). A little "whoops" moment, led to having to go a little bit shorter than anticipated and in the end I was a little shocked. Throughout the whole haircutting experience, I just kept saying (with a smile on my face), "Just do what you need to fix it." "It's ok." Laugh, laugh, smile, smile. I did not want the girl cutting my hair to feel bad.
But the honest truth is that I am struggling with the reflection in the mirror. It's shocking and I just keep telling myself that it will grow in to some normality in a month.
I try to reflect on the reason I decided to cut off all my hair - to help someone else. I don't have a lot to give, so it really does feel good to give what I have. A small gesture of taking scissors to my hair will help a child battling cancer and also bless a parent who just wants their child to feel special and normal.
As I don't like what I see in the mirror, I can't imagine what it must feel like to look in a mirror and have an absence of hair remind me of an illness that ravishes the body and takes away life.
It's amazing how much something as simple as a hairstyle can really effect self esteem. It is vicious lies that don't give an accurate representation of what is reflected in the mirror. As one who has always struggled with how she looks (and I know I am not alone there), this little hair incident gives me a greater opportunity to seek the truth of what looks back at me in the mirror.
What is the truth?
- I am created by a Master Artist and He has made me beautiful. I am a reflection of His glory, His love, and His beauty.
Song of Songs 7:6 - "How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!"
Psalm 45:11 - "The king is enthralled with your beauty. Honor him for he is your lord."
In the past I have raved about my favorite book (which I will be re-reading in this season). I even gave one away. The book is called "God Loves Ugly" by Christa Black. It's actually out of print right now (but coming back in September 2012), so I am so grateful for my parents sending me another copy for Christmas :-)
Here is a video of Jordin Sparks singing the song from the book and sharing what it means to her:
Here is another song that I anticipate I will be listening to alot :-)
I know that I am not the only one that has these moments of struggling with what is in the mirror, so I write in this state of vulnerability knowing that there might be someone else who needs it too. I am not fishing for compliments, just sharing my heart and struggles - grateful for the journey because I know that in the end there is a precious gift of worth and value that God bestows on me :-)
Oh right, I promised a picture didn't I - well, here ya go:
At least my smile has not changed :-)