Lately life has been less than wonderful. I have struggled against a deep desire to throw my hands in the air and scream, "I give up." My faith has taken a beating and there has been a battle that has found me faced with a decision. Do I keep pressing on or do I give up?
"Giving up" came close to winning. Life has been hard, frustrations have been mounting, disappointment has been rampant ... I have been weary. There's tired and then there's weary - I have been weary and losing the will to fight for the fullness of life.
I began to consider, "What would it mean to give up?"
I realized that giving up would mean that the last 20 years of my life have been a lie.
Giving up on my faith in God would mean that I had given myself to something that was false.
But I have a lifetime of experiences that prove that this journey I have walked with the Lord is real and it is truth.
My faith is the very center of who I am. Without it, I am skin and bones with no life, no breath. That might be difficult for some to understand. I can't explain it other than the reality of my own experiences. It is my truth.
A little story of faith lessons in car problems:
Back in June I had some car problems. I had to get a new battery for my car. It was pretty frustrating, especially when I thought that everything was fixed and then my car stopped working again. I popped the hood of my car and noticed something.
The thingamabob (I'm pretty sure that is the mechanical term) was not connected to the terminal. Therefore there was no charge to power my car. Somehow it had come all undone:
So I fixed it. I scrubbed the terminal with a brush doohickey (there's another mechanical term for you):
I gave it a good tightening:
(and yes, I did actually take these pictures months ago to document that I can be a grease monkey)
Made sure it was good and tight - and I have not had another problem with it since then.
This car problem (which took place in June) was the icing on the cake of a really really bad week. I was discouraged. But as I was fixing my car, I felt the Lord speak to me: He is the battery that charges me. I have to connect myself to the terminal.
I am the thingamabob :-)
If I am not being charged by the Source, life just does not work. Without my faith in God, life does not work. I can't walk through this world without God by my side.
I am so thankful for how God has poured encouragement into my life during the last week. Through encouraging words from friends and even fun packages coming to my home, God has whispered: "I am here." And that is a truth that I can count on.