Saturday, February 13, 2010

A little attempt at being real

I just feel like writing. I don't even know if anyone reads my blog anymore, so I guess that gives me even more of a feeling to be real. Sometimes, I feel like I am not real often enough.

So, I was thinking the other day about the whole Facebook thing. When I open my Facebook page, the first thing that I see is the question of what is on my mind. Yet, so often I feel like I can't share what is really on my mind. Can I say that I am sad and feel forgotten? Can I share that I am scared about what is in the future and if I am really going to be able to accomplish what is ahead? Can I admit to the fact that sometimes I don't feel like I have what it takes to do what I feel God is calling me to? Can I really share what is on my mind? Can I confess that I had a bad week? Most the time, I feel like the answer to that question is, "No." I feel like if I really share with the world what is going on then I will be perceived as a downer. I know that I always have joy at my disposal, but that does not mean that I am always happy and quite honestly I need to be able to share when I am not happy. In the last year I feel like there was a time when I actually did let my guard down and I let my smile fall from my face. It came back to bite me in the butt. I know that for the most part I am a happy positive person, but folks I have my days too. Though I might be smiling on the outside, it does not always reflect what is within. I can definitely grin and bear it, but can I please also have a place where I can be real? I would really like to be able to be authentic. I know that I am to blame for putting some of the pressure on myself and that is an area that I can grow in. But sometimes the circumstances around us don't help and I have definitely had some circumstances that have not been helpful. But I guess that is what makes us stronger in the end. As we push through we come out with more strength to battle the odds. (Does that even make sense?)

So there you have it. That is my attempt at being real. I don't even know if anyone will see this, so perhaps I still remain hidden in my own struggles. I know this season will pass. I know that I will pull through and in the end will be stronger and that is the thought that I leave with to get me through. I really am ok. Yes, I am perhaps dealing with sadness, but I know that it's all going to be ok.

1 comment:

  1. Um. So I had NO idea that you had a blog. How did this escape my notice? Thanks for sharing, and I will be sure to check back here. :) I love your page design. Pretty! See you sooooon! :)


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