I'm freaking out

Have you ever had a moment in life when something happens that causes you to stop, take a step back, and realize that this is not in a million years where you thought your life would lead to?  That's where I am right now - and sometimes it makes me hyperventilate a little bit.

So what has led to my grand moment of realization? - a change with my job.  It was a temporary job and now it has become permanent.  I have reached the moment with this job that I have been waiting for months to see come to fruition.  Now here it is - so why is it freaking me out so much?

I'll tell you why.

It makes me feel like this is where I am settling down.  And I never would have thought that I would settle down here - Washington, DC.  I was supposed to be passing through for one year.  That was the plan.  One year - then off to Asia ... I have been here 3.5 years.  

Over the past few days it has really been hitting me hard that my accepting a permanent position at work means that I intend to be in this job for at least a few more years.  That means that this is my home - and I don't quite know how I feel about that.  Don't get me wrong - DC is great, but it is definitely not where I pictured myself for a lengthy amount of time.  

My life plans and expectations are rarely met the way I envision they would be.  But when things don't go the way I thought they would, it's always because there is something better waiting on the horizon.

Years ago, there was an event that turned my world completely upside down.  After learning that I was being laid off from my job, God led me to Isaiah 55: 8,9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  God wound up taking the event of me losing my job and used it to launch me on a journey into destiny - a journey that literally took me around the world.

Honestly, I don't fully know where my place is here in DC.  But the way I see it - God has me here for a reason, He is keeping me here for a reason ... and I look forward to seeing what the future unfolds :-)

Source: lustlovepain.tumblr.com via Rachel on Pinterest

I'm just a thingamabob on a journey of faith

Warning - this post is pretty honest ... but it ends well :-)

Lately life has been less than wonderful.  I have struggled against a deep desire to throw my hands in the air and scream, "I give up."  My faith has taken a beating and there has been a battle that has found me faced with a decision.  Do I keep pressing on or do I give up?

"Giving up" came close to winning.  Life has been hard, frustrations have been mounting, disappointment has been rampant ... I have been weary.  There's tired and then there's weary - I have been weary and losing the will to fight for the fullness of life.

I began to consider, "What would it mean to give up?"

I realized that giving up would mean that the last 20 years of my life have been a lie.
Giving up on my faith in God would mean that I had given myself to something that was false.
But I have a lifetime of experiences that prove that this journey I have walked with the Lord is real and it is truth.

My faith is the very center of who I am.  Without it, I am skin and bones with no life, no breath.  That might be difficult for some to understand.  I can't explain it other than the reality of my own experiences.  It is my truth.

A little story of faith lessons in car problems:
Back in June I had some car problems.  I had to get a new battery for my car.  It was pretty frustrating, especially when I thought that everything was fixed and then my car stopped working again.  I popped the hood of my car and noticed something.

The thingamabob (I'm pretty sure that is the mechanical term) was not connected to the terminal.  Therefore there was no charge to power my car.  Somehow it had come all undone:  

So I fixed it.  I scrubbed the terminal with a brush doohickey (there's another mechanical term for you):

I gave it a good tightening: 

(and yes, I did actually take these pictures months ago to document that I can be a grease monkey)

Made sure it was good and tight - and I have not had another problem with it since then.

This car problem (which took place in June) was the icing on the cake of a really really bad week.  I was discouraged.  But as I was fixing my car, I felt the Lord speak to me:  He is the battery that charges me.  I have to connect myself to the terminal.  

I am the thingamabob :-)  

If I am not being charged by the Source, life just does not work.  Without my faith in God, life does not work.  I can't walk through this world without God by my side.  

I am so thankful for how God has poured encouragement into my life during the last week.  Through encouraging words from friends and even fun packages coming to my home, God has whispered: "I am here."  And that is a truth that I can count on.

It's been awhile

I felt the need to post something on my blog.

Since I don't really know what to say, I thought that I would share a project that I am working on.

I am making one of these:

Source: blog.craftzine.com via Melany on Pinterest

I am really excited because:
A.  I just really like to cross stitch
but
B.  I don't really care for how it looks in the end
so
C.  I was thrilled to find something that I actually think I might like

I am going with a chevron pattern for my necklace.  Updates coming soon.

I also want to make this:

Source: etsy.com via Melany on Pinterest

I think it kinda looks like granny squares and I love granny squares.

Yeah, fun projects!!

My heart's cry

There is this song that has been on my heart all week long.  It's the song "Give Me Jesus".  The chorus goes like this:

"Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, just give me Jesus."

I love this song.  It's actually quite possible that I might have downloaded three different versions.  I just love it that much.  It's actually also possible that I might play these three downloads over ... and over ... and over.

It really just lifts my spirits.  It's how I want to live my life - what I desire to stand for.

"You can have all this world, just give me Jesus."

Even when I have nothing, I have everything because I have Jesus.

When the world seems to cave around me, it's ok because I have Jesus.

When I am all alone, I am in good company because I have Jesus.

My Jesus is my favorite.  No one compares to Him.

I just felt like sharing that :-)  Jesus - He's awesome and so worthy of all my affection.

Enough is enough

I can't sleep.

I woke up about 2 hours ago thinking that my alarm was going to go off any minute.  So I laid in bed trying to soak up those last few minutes of sleep.  Finally I succumbed to my alertness and dragged myself out of bed only to find that it was a little bit after midnight.  Sigh - evidently my body thinks that 2 hours of sleep is enough (it is wrong).

But really it is my mind that leaves me in this state of insomnia.  It won't turn off.  I really wish that it would, but my thoughts have been doing overtime - and it's not super fun.

My last few moments of alertness before drifting off to my 2 hour sleep were spent asking God to turn my thoughts off.  To take away all the ugly things going on my head.

My mind has been a battle ground lately.  I have been confronted with an arsenal of lies.  They are not new lies.  It's the same ol' battle shooting arrows at my self worth.  And though I have faced these thoughts before, I find myself struggling to embrace truth.

God spoke three words to me tonight that serve as a shield to ward of the lies:

"You are enough"

I am enough!!

I am beautiful enough because He made me.

I am kind and compassionate enough because He sees the genuineness in my heart to love others.

I am likable enough because He likes me.

I am strong enough because His strength is mine.

I am wise enough because He gives me wisdom.

Even in my greatest downfalls and weakness, I am enough because He is enough and He gives me everything that He is to cover my faults.

So, I am not perfect - but I am enough.

Fighting off lies is a continual war for me, but realizing them for the toxins that they are wins one battle at a time.  I just need to surround myself with truth.  For me, this means listening to worship music, spending time reading the Bible, and writing myself words of encouragement.  My favorite place to write encouraging words is on my mirror with a dry erase marker (for me, that is where the greatest fight against lies is fought - standing in front of the mirror):

So, if you find yourself waging war against the thoughts in your head, just know that you are enough.

And for another great blogpost, check out what the amazing Jessica has to say HERE.  Seriously - she is awesome.  Go read it :-)

Cheers to summer!

Hello Summer!!!!

Summer has officially arrived.  Yesterday, I celebrated by making a batch of lemonade.

I found a recipe on Pinterest.

When you need a recipe - search Pinterest.
When you need inspiration - search Pinterest.
When you want to know the natural method to do anything - search Pinterest.
When you want to know how to style your new top - search Pinterest.
When you need ideas for how to decorate a room - search Pinterest.

Pinterest - it's the new Google.  (More on Pinterest HERE)

Lemonade recipe pin:

Source: foodnetwork.com via Melany on Pinterest

I cut the recipe in half so that it would fit in my boring 2 quart pitcher:

Boo - boring pitcher.  It makes me want a pretty, round, glass pitcher.  Maybe something clear with a little splash of color.  Hmmm, maybe something like this:

Source: crateandbarrel.com via Melany on Pinterest

Well, at least I got to drink out of a cute glass:

And some cute straws would just make it perfection:

Source: etsy.com via Melany on Pinterest

Cheers to a wonderful summer!!!

Wrap it up - fabric style

A few weeks ago, I had a gift to give to a friend.

I had no wrapping paper - boo.

But here's the thing about being a super creative crafty person ...

... in the boxes and boxes of supplies that you have there is always something that makes pretty packaging.

Grab some fabric and wrap it around the present.

Then grab another strip of fabric and make a bow.

Cutesy cute :-)